There is a view that if we do all the right work in the right way we’ll be healed. You think? In the last 12 years I have been a community therapist, I know there is no such thing as perfectly healed or even the idea of “finished” when it comes to healing.
We can look at the wounds of our younger self and we can sit with another and be witnessed as we process the feelings and story of our childhood. We can use EMDR therapy or ART* or other trauma processing therapies and find self acceptance, compassion and even peace. And that doesn’t mean that we are fully healed. And honestly, why would we want to be? Ultimately it’s our experiences and our response to them that make us uniquely who we are. Our enduring vulnerabilities are a core part of our self.
What we can hope for is that when the younger parts of self emerge- full of irrational emotion and demanding our attention- that we are mindful enough to give them our attention. That we are able to hold these younger parts of our self with the reverence and compassion that they deserve. However, to think that we will never experience the intense emotion or urges to self sabotage or act out or a multitude of other survival strategies learned young in the face of danger, is unlikely.
Let us be aware that all parts of our selves are acceptable and worthy of love. When we can do this, we will have healed well enough. The next step is to continually practice accepting and loving our messy human selves.
*EMDR-Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing
*ART-Accelerated Resolution Therapy
Getting up early is a form of sanity saving for me. The first light of day reminds me that there is a always a new beginning.
I was at a funeral a few years ago. A sad funeral of a teen who died by suicide. They were someone I had known for a decade and friends with my kids. It was a devastating heart wrenching event on so many level for all of us. As a member of their social community and a clinical social worker I had taken on a role of facilitating supportive gatherings of other parents in the immediate aftermath. Providing a space for people to express their shock, sorrow and fears. A teen suicide hits the heart of fear of every parent.
At the service another mother stepped up to speak at the open mic. She had struggled with significant depression and knew the pain of the urge of wanting to be dead. And she said to our young audience: no matter how dark the night gets, remember the sun always rises. The sin always rises. It. Always. Rises.
Getting up for the sunrise reminds me of this sacred truth. It might be trite or seen as overly positive, but the core truth of cycles is encapsulated- the earth turns, the seasons change, the night becomes day- regardless of events or people or heart ache.
I work with people from all socioeconomic backgrounds and histories of trauma. The pain I sit with is real. I sir with people in their pain everyday. We don't start with this too shall pass; the sun always rises. We sit first and feel and examine the pain. I ask questions so we can know the contributors to pain and the consequences. The actions the pain has taken (unbeknownst to the rational safe self who is now in the back seat); and the results of the pain's lashing out.
And in the end, when we have examined all the angles, we must arrive at the place of deep knowing that the sun always rises and there is always a chance to start again.
Let's sit by the Fire
You're on my web site so you may already know about me. If I was posting this in other places I would say: I'm a regular messy divine human. Recovered spiritual seeker and want-to-be accepter of the life we live. I see the cycles of our human development and recognize that I am in a growth stage and looking to channel some of my daily thoughts into a forum. Take from this what fits for you and leave the rest. Welcome to my fire. Sit and stay a while.